Hell Raiser
by Muffin-crumbs
Summary: x-over w/ Beelzebub! Naruto finds a baby, INSIDE OF A DEAD BODY! He has to raise and who is this blond bombshell in the small black dress! How will the ninja react? How will his life change when he has a 'kid? Post-time skip. M for language, no yaoi


**A/N: So here is a new cross-over, with crappy pun title! This is a Naruto, Beelzebub cross-over...sort of, this is a Naruto fic with elements of Beelzebub, so Naruto will not raise Baby-BL (FYI: if you have no idea what I am talking about, look it up it's pretty good) and there will be no modern japan references, nor will this take place in some high school(my HS experience differs from most since I went to an all guy Catholic school). Sooo, with that said let us see where this goes, cause frankly I only have a vague clue at how this ends, so here it is Hell Raiser.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto nor do I own Beelzebub and if you are reading this neither will you, so let us wallow in our self pity, known as fanfiction.**

"It's HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!" Naruto whined; it was an unusually warm spring this year in Konoha, reaching temperatures more common in Suna. Fortunately, for the woodland citizens of Konoha there were many small lakes throughout the village, most were well hidden within the training grounds. Unfortunately he had arrived too late and his fellow shinobi had already filled most of them. Not feeling in the mood to be surrounded by people, no matter how amazing the kunoichi looked in their bikinis, he wandered through the forest in search of relief from the heat.

Wiping the sweat off of his brow, caused one of the Inuzuka women, probably Kiba's cousin to flush considerably. The extended training mission with one of the sannin, did wonders for the youth. He was fairly muscular for a 16 year old, not so much so that it would impair his abilities as a ninja, but more than some jounin. Since his return he noticed people stared at him a lot. As if trying to compare the little boy that would run around and yell all the time, with this impressive young man before them. They would openly stare at him questioning his identity, stare off into space, concentrate back on him and then smile, wave or give him a slight nod, all this in less than 3 seconds.

Their reactions made Naruto uncomfortable, he was never used to getting this much attention. Really as a kid he was ignored or people talked behind his back. From what he heard of the lives of the other Jinchuuriki his life was the least violent, not including the vessel of the third who was a hermit. From what he understood there were only two attempts to take his life as a child, once on the eve of the Kyuubi attack when he was hours old, and once when he was three and Kusa had tried to eliminate the Jinchuuriki, hoping to weaken Konoha in some way. He was never beaten, he was chased off a few times, but after awhile they just stopped chasing him. He found it ironic that the one of the few things he ever really wanted in life, actually made him freak out.

Chuckling at the thought, and not really paying attention to where he was going he walked off a small cliff... "Oh CRAAAAAAAP!" *SPALSH* he hit water with an huge belly flop. "Uggh*cough* what the hell just *cough* happened? *cough*" questioned the blond as he rolled over in the water, his stomach was on fire and any movement stung like hell. Deciding to wait until his body didn't feel like one giant bruise **(1)** he floated on the surface of the water. "Stupid cliff." he muttered, looking around to try and get his bearings, he figured he was in an underground lake and apparently the roof had caved in at one point _'Stupid collapsing roof'_ he thought. Despite the pain he was glad he fell in, it was quiet, secluded and it wasn't like he couldn't get out of it, he could easily jump out.

"Ah this is the life!" he sighed closing his eyes. A few minutes later the teen felt something rather large and heavy bump into him. Thinking it was a drifting log that came in from the small underground creek that fed the lake, he pushed it away with his arm, surprised to feel hair rather than bark. "What the fuck!" he yelled moving out of his position he saw that it was a dead man!

[(LINE])

"Hold it right there brat now you're just lying to me, what do you mean a dead man! That is not something that just floats down a river why didn't you report this as soon as you found the corpse!" Jiraiya slammed his hands on the table in Naruto's apartment.

Naruto had been recalling the days events, he had sent a messenger toad to Jiraiya telling him to meet him in his home and that he had something important to tell him. Unfortunately it was around the time that Jiraiya would go to the onsen and research his next book, what made it worse was that today was the day the female ANBU all communed together-despite the risk, the quality of the material was top notch- and the old pervert was more irritable than usual; so it was understandable that Jiraiya was NOT happy to see him, even if it was his favorite brat.

Naruto stared back at him "Well first of all...rude- GAH!"

"Do not call me rude!" screamed the sage as he adjusted his cloak, it got ruffled after he threw a paper weight at the kids face.

"Well as I was saying before I was _rudely __**interrupted**_...I didn't have time to report it, cause well the old man's body split in half down the middle and there was a baby inside." Naruto stated n_onchalantly. _

_[(Line)]_

_Naruto pulled the body ashore the man had an arrow piercing straight to his heart, he figured the body to be about a day old. He checked the body to see if there were any signs of the attackers, none. _

_"Damn old man what happened to you?" the man's eyes were still open, he offered a small prayer and moved to close the man's eyes, but before he could reach him the man split down the middle, from the tip of his head to his groin. A bright light and the silhouette of a small body was seen inside. _

_[(Line)]_

_The next few minutes were silent the old man satt staring at the blond. Jiraiya stood up from his chair, moved a loose strand of hair behind his ear, smoothed out the sleeves of his coat and walked over to Naruto "Naruto, son." _

_"Yes? Ero-sennin" Naruto was worried, something in the back of his mind told him to 'GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!' _

_The gray haired man gently placed his hands on his shoulders, removing a few pieces of lint that had fallen on the boy. "HAVE YOU BEEN DOING DRUGS!?!?!" he grabbed him by the collar and shook him furiously "DIDN'T ANYONE TELL YOU DRUGS ARE BAD!?! OF ALL THE IDIOTIC THINGS YOU'VE DONE OR SAID IN ALL THE YEARS I'VE KNOWN YOU THIS IS THE MOST LUDICROUS THING YOU HAVE EVER SAID!"____the young man was seeing stars._

_With one last shake he let him go and Naruto flew to the back of the room, the whole time Jiraiya was muttering about stupid drug abusing children. When Naruto stopped seeing things in triplicate, he shakily got to his feet and responded with slurred words "But ero-sennin I ain't lying honest watch let me bring him in." He stumbled over to the door and exited._

_Jiraiya sighed to himself as he turned away from the door, ____'Stupid brat is terrible at genjutsu, someone must have pranked him good.'__ the old man just stared at the opposite wall, specifically a painting a young artist had given to the blond when he saved her from some bandits. She had offered the boy a 'bigger' reward but he felt this was more than enough. The girl had admitted that she wanted to be a famous artist, knowing the girl could do it he was sure this would be priceless and just knowing her was enough of a reward. To this day Jiraiya could not believe the boy had turned the girl down._

_"Here, see I wasn't lying to you. See baby boy here right in my hands ~ttebayo" Without turning around Jiraiya muttered "Kai!" expelling a large amount of chakra, enough to shatter ANY persons attempt at genjutsu for several hundred feet, in fact a dew ANBU keeping watch around the village were visible for a few seconds. _

_"Wow ero-sennin that was a lot of chakra, and no hand-signs either. Pretty impressive for an old man like yourself." A very large vein on Jiraiya's forehead became visible, he turned around quicker than Naruto could follow, as he wasn't really paying attention, and was about to flat him out with one solid punch, when she came to a complete and utter halt. _

_"Daaa buurgh gaaaa!" __**(2) **__In Naruto's arms was a small, and naked, golden haired child, with bright blue eyes. He had a red pacifier in his mouth but that did not stop him from making all sorts of baby noises. Jiraiya, stared at the child who looked shockingly similar to Naruto. _

_"I-I-I-" Jiraiya was at a loss for words, after the shock of Naruto being a father settled in he started thinking of who and where the mother was? Akatsuki's last known movements, Iwa's building up of forces all flashed before the old man's mind. "Naruto did you just have the baby outside this whole time?" He liked the boy, but sometimes when overly excited he would tend to forget things, and leaving a child unattended outside would be one of those things._

_He looked shocked "Come on ero-sennin I'm not that dumb! I had a clone outside with him, henged of course."_

_"Why didn't you just bring him in, in the first place?"_

_"Well if I did that you would have freaked out that I had a kid in my hands! So I decided to tell you were I found him, inside some old dead man." Nauto explained, Jiraiyae couldn't really argue with the logic but this whole dead man thing was getting old. Naruto picked up on his thoughts and said "Look I know how it sounds, frankly I don't understand it it, but you just have to believe me this is NOT my kid, and I DID find him inside a man. I know that is the most ridiculous thing you have ever heard in your life but that is the truth, I would never lie to you two about something like this ever. If I were to have a kid I would invite you, Baa-chan and Shizu-nee in a heartbeat, you are family, I would want you at the birth of my children." The impromptu speech finally got Jiraiya to snap out of his stupor he eyed him critically still not really wanting to believe such an outlandish story but Naruto had some how convinced him enough to not throttle him. _

_"Well where is this body?" Jiraiya asked maybe she could run some tests and find something out._

_"Actually it kind of just disappeared when I took out this little guy, sorry." he replied sheepishly as he played with the child, he was holding the child in Jiraiya's line of sigh. Hopefully it would make Jiraiya reconsider punching him and risk dropping the boy. Or so he hoped._

_"Well give'em here I'll take him to Tsunade." Jiraiya walked up to Naruto and tried to take the boy_

_but he had a good grip on Naruto's shirt, Jiraiya was struggling to get him off of Naruto, he wasn't using chakra but even with out it he was pretty strong and this kid was giving him trouble. "Well you carry him all the way there. I'll go on ahead of you and make sure Tsunade is drunk enough to not kill you halfway through the story." Jiraiya disappeared with a small poof leaving the boy alone._

_Naruto sighed he had and turned the baby around so he could look the child in the eyes, "Well what are we gonna do kid, honestly it's like you like me."_

_"You seem to be mistaken. The young master would never 'like' some common fool like yourself. Just go off and kill yourself." The occupant of the room turned around to find the source of the voice, he hadn't even sensed the woman come in through his window. The scowling, young woman had blond hair tied up in a bun; the left side of her face was hidden by bangs, yet her emerald green eyes shone through. Had it not been for her sizable bust she would have been the epitome of the gothic lolita, knee high boots, elegant full length gloves. _

_"Who the hell are you, and why are you here?!" Naruto growled out holding the baby tighter_

Ignoring him the stranger walked up to Naruto, bending over slightly to talk to the baby, inadvertently allowing the teen to look straight down her dress, she gave a small smile as she addressed the babe, "Come young master, Hilda has returned for you."

The young child merely turned away from her and held onto Naruto tighter, Hida was shocked and a bit saddened by it but she would not give up. Naruto seeing the slightly distressed look on her face decided to try and lighten up the mood, "He must hate you Hilda-san!" Naruto was never good with jokes.

That had hurt more than she let on, rather than dwell on it though, she tried to release the grip the young master had on the idiot "Please young master let 'it' go." This continued for a few minutes by now Hilda had the child by the ankles and was visibly straining to pry him from Naruto with no luck, the boy wasn't helping at all and just stood there scratching the back of his head. but before he could voice his concern, the baby let out a loud shriek and both Naruto and Hida where shocked with about 50,000 volts of electricity.

Naruto clenched his teeth in pain; it wasn't so much the thousands of volts electricity running through his body, after all he was attacked by the greatest lightning based assassination technique twice, no what hurt the blond more was the shriek of the child. Something about hearing the child cry made his body scream in agony, and not just his ears, his entire body ached in a way he didn't quite understand.

Not being able to continue being electrocuted Hilda let go of the child, it took the baby a few seconds to realize he was let go and he stopped yelling but his eyes were still slightly puffy and a few tears fell down his smooth cheek. A quite sob escaped him until Naruto wrapped his arms around him in a fierce hug, he did not know why he was compelled to do so but he did it just made sense to him. "It's alright little guy everything is fine no need to scream. See you're fine? Everything is fine shh..." he whispered.

Hilda looked distraught falling to her knees hundreds of things flashed before her,

_**Flashback start**_

_Walking through the garden with the lord was something very few people were able to do, even his personal guards had to wait at the periphery but, she, a lowly servant was personally asked to walk with HIM, she was so excited she could squeal in delight. _

"_Hilda?" the man before her asked, making sure she was still with him. Hearing the Lord calling her by name made the young woman swoon. Catching herself before passing out she scolded herself for not responding quick enough."Ye-yes my lord?" _'stop stuttering'_ she yelled to herself._

"_Hilda, I asked you here to tell you something important,i would like you to take care of my son. I want you to raise him as your own, I want you to be his mother."_

_**Flashback end**_

her charge absolutely hated her and had become attached to someone else. Her purpose in life was taken away from her before she had even started raising him.

Naruto calmed the baby down, and was able to lull him to sleep with a lullaby he had to learn when on an extended solo babysitting mission for a local magistrate in his younger days. Seeing that his 'joke' did not have it's desired effect, he walked up to Hilda and offered her a hand up, "Uhh, Hilda-san I-I want to apologize, that wasn't very funny, I can only assume you are here to take this little one away." The girl looked up at him she looked in his eyes the eyes that were so similar to the young master's, if she did not know any better, she would have thought he was the father. Taking the offered hand she got up, "So um, my name is Uzumaki Naruto, nice to meet you, Hilda-san. And, uh, welcome to Konohagakure no Sato." he smiled as he pulled her to her feet.

Not really knowing what else to do he invited her for some tea. It was silent as he prepared the water and the table for his guest. "Thank you Uzumaki-san." again a great and uncomfortable silence came over them. Hating it Naruto decided to jump in, "So...uh-" "I am serving as the Young Master's Demon Maid."

"Huh?"

"And that child is to become the next Kyuubi. He has chosen you as a parent and you must raise him to be an acceptable human so that he is able to destroy the human world."

"HUH!?!?!"

**(1) I have no idea how to explain that but some of you know what that feels like and it hurts like a ****bitch!!**

**(2) Don't have a kid, never been near one at this age long enough to distinguish the sounds but those are supposed to be baby noises.**

**A/N: Okay so how was it, frankly I am not sure if there are any Beelzebub fics, much less a crossover. Um so like I had said before, I lost the will to write the next chapter in Hiding it from the Council (Honestly I hate that title) but hopefully writing the next few chapters of this will help me forget enough of the HiftC(see it seems lame in shorthand). So along with those chapters, I was also about to release the re-write of Return of an Heir!! Well regardless a Bluescreen of Death sucks ass, I even lost MS Office!! So I'm using OpenOffice, and while good I don't like it!! Well anyway hope you enjoy this and expect a new chapter sooner than a HiftC chapter. OR a new story idea I have for a fiction based off of a fic I cannot remember but I do remember the premise. So look forward to that as well.**


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